The best thing my mom ever did for me when I was an adult and moved out was to not sympathize for too long. I HATED hated hated it when my Mom would say life is hard. I was all about looking for the easy way.
I hated the stupid stuff I had to go through but that is life — going through . It’s what makes us grow and become – how we handle the crap that is tossed at us. Slipping on ice and hurting our backs. breathing in water. job limitations and regulations.
It’s shit! But flowers need shit to grow. So do we!
Don’t wait till you’re my age to figure that out. Learn to grow through the shit. Even welcome it. Ah, here comes another chance to grow!!
Honey, I love you so so much. But I won’t take away your opportunity to grow and I can’t linger long at wallowing with you. I’ll figuratively hold your hand, send you hugs, and let you complain – for a little while.
But then I’ll offer suggestions. I’ll even get kinda philosophical…
Find a saying that pushes you through. I have always used the Serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
A few other suggestions:
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Even flowers need shit to grow up beautiful.
Find something you can put up and remember.
Now, I am embracing hard. Bring it!!!
I promise you, the moment you realize and embrace that shit is just part of life, you will feel so free.
Never forget that I love you. NEVER.
Apparently, the best way to learn…is to struggle. And boy oh boy—is that in my face right now. Our 13-year-old son is struggling in school and he’s not okay with it. So much so, he has basically just phoned it in at school. I get it. I can think back to the times I did whatever it took to avoid the challenges in front of me. While in the short-term avoidance feels good, the problem is we miss out on what challenges teach us.I found this video on learning that features a group of professors, journalists, and engineers to be reassuring. There’s a number of great tips but the most powerful takeaway is that we all have to learn to be okay with struggle.That means I have to learn to be okay watching our son struggle, and not rush in to rescue him. And he has to learn to be okay as he struggles with certain subjects at school, so he can face challenges and become a better learner.
Here is a cute ongoing story… last Sunday I was trimming back Barney’s potted roses. They are at a very weedy stage (growing from below the crown) and I suggested that we take them out altogether as the rhodies are shading them anyway. So, I go in there clipping away when all of a sudden there was a chirp and fluttering whirrr of wings startled me. I had disturbed a mama quail. She chip chip chipped at me from the opposite roof and called to her mate. He made loud noises at me as well.
Following is an excerpt in which my mom and I discuss one of my daughter’s personal struggles which are ALWAYS always based in a spiritual struggle. Mom (her grandmother) wants on some level to help her as do I and we are in so far as we can. The following is part of the discussion as to how much we should help and why we need to just let things unfold. Yes, I took out the names. … Read More …
My talks with Mom are very personal. Deep down soul searching, spill my guts labors of love. Sometimes I include her responses but more often I just put down my side of the convo.
Mom always listened. She always offered advice but always let me take my own direction. I see now how hard it is to love your child so much; to watch with great trepidation the direction she takes; to purposely look the other way to let them fall. But to be there when they need something. Kinda like God. And the story of the Prodigal. A good parent lets the son/daughter go but is there when the child needs them.
That’s my mom. She let me go. She didn’t cling. She didn’t invest herself in me, insisting I fulfill something for her. She wisely knew I had a journey to take.
I created a category – Talks with Mom – so I could record my ramblings with Mom. Each time I spill on the page, I learn something about me. Maybe you’ll see a common thread or find a bit you can identify with as well. If it helps you to read my ramblings, then I am blessed.